


Shit, let's be doctors.

by Lushi



Category: Homestuck
Genre: ...Kids way ahead of their time, Being kids, Doctor - Freeform, F/F, HAHA TIME Dave Strider HAHAHAHA I AM FUNNY, M/M, THEY PLAY DOCTOR, ignore me k, they play pretend
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-06-07
Updated: 2012-06-13
Packaged: 2017-11-07 05:19:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/427299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lushi/pseuds/Lushi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The four kids in an AU where the game never happened. </p><p>It's the middle of summer, it's boring, hot, and four teenagers just experiencing puberty have no idea how to deal with it, until John and Jade come up with a plan.  John's the doctor and Jade is his trusty nurse, and they decide to check up on their other two friend's health.<br/>Homoerotic moments ensure.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Let's annoy John.

**Author's Note:**

> This doesn't really have a plot.  
> I'm just writing this as I go along.

\-- gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering ghostyTrickster [GT] \--  
GG: john  
GG: john  
GG: john!  
GG: JOHN!!! answer me you zoosmell pooplord!   
GT: ugh.  
GT: what?  
GG: i have the best idea ever!  
GT: oh boy, here we go.  
GT: do tell of this "idea," jade.  
GT: i sure hope it doesn't involve me leaning over a trashcan and losing my fucking stomach like last time.   
GG: oh get over that you big baby :P  
GG: anyway  
GG: do you want to hear the idea or not?!  
GT: sure, shoot.  
GG: shoot you say? ;)  
GG: ..................  
GG: ..............................  
GG: .................................  
GT: jade.  
GG: ....................  
GG: .......................  
GG: ................................  
GG: ........................................  
GG: ...............................  
GG: ........................................  
GT: oh my god.  
GG: .......................................  
.....................................  
GT: don't you fucking dare!  
GG: .....................  
GG: ..................................  
GG: ..............  
GT: i KNOW what you're going to say.   
GG: ........................  
GG: ........................................  
GG: .............................................  
GT: ugh! i don't have time for your stupid puns!   
\-- ghostyTrickster [GT] ceased pestering gardenGnostic [GG] \--  
GG: double pistols and a wink 8)  
GG: ...  
GG: sometimes youre an immature little brat, john :/ 

An exasperated sigh escaped the long haired brunette as she stared in bewilderment at her computer screen. Jade gritted her crooked, unkept teeth. Honestly, she hated when John got like this. It was pretty easy to set the ebony haired boy off. Jade didn't let his stupid mood swings spoil her plans, though! Clicking on the royal blue name on her chumlist, she began pestering him once again.

\-- gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering ghostyTrickster [GT] \--  
GG: if you end the chat again i swear to god i will rip off your dick  
GG: you better fucking be inwardly cringing  
GT: ...  
GT: ...  
GT: ...  
GT: ...  
GT: i'm listening...  
GG: good boy!  
GG: alright so heres the plan;  
GG: were going to play doctor  
GG: and   
GT: no.  
GG: you shut your whore mouth while im talking, egbert!! :P  
GG: as i was saying BEFORE YOU RUDELY INTERRUPTED  
GG: ah, right, doctor  
GG: anyway ill play doctor and youll be the nurse  
GG: well invite rose and dave and theyll be patients!  
GG: and just get lost in all of this nostalgia!!!   
GT: hold up there for a second, princess.  
GT: if you're going to be forcing me to play doctor with you, i AT LEAST get to be the doctor and you the nurse.  
GT: it's only fair.  
GG: no  
GT: jade.  
GG: .... :/  
GG: ...  
GG: only on one condition  
GT: which would be ...?  
GG: we do this at YOUR house   
GT: alright, i'm game. when are we doing this?  
GT: today?   
GG: lets check and see if rose and dave are open for today  
GG: or anytime this week, really  
GG: you check with dave and ill get rose  
GG: ok?  
GG: oh wait rose just started pestering me! ill talk to you later about this ok?  
GT: alright.  
GT: roger, over and out.  
GG: youre such a dork  
GG: <3   
\-- gardenGnostic [GG] ceased pestering ghostyTrickster [GT] \--  



	2. Satan passes you a note

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rose can be immature too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm 4"9 in real life. ;-; Shut up I can make John the same height as me IT MAKES ME FEEL BETTER ABOUT MYSELF.
> 
> Also; Height headcannons in this:  
> John: 4"9  
> Rose: 5"3  
> Jade: 5"6  
> Dave: 5"10 (John would be up to his chest.)

\-- tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering gardenGnostic [GG] \--  
TT: ＳＡＣＲＩＦＩＣＥ ＹＯＵＲ ＣＨＩＬＤＲＥＮ ＴＯ ＭＥ ＴＨＥ ＤＡＲＫ ＬＯＲＤ ＳＡＴＡＮ  
TT: *Salutations.  
TT: Damn autocorrect.   
GG: . . .  
GG: i wont ask . . .  
GG: ANYWAY  
GG: guess what!!!  
GG: i have a plan!  
TT: Suddenly I am concerned for my well being.  
TT: It can't be as bad as last time, though.  
TT: Well, I can't necessarily say that last time was bad, but it was for John.  
TT: Poor boy, he can't hold his drinks.  
TT: That poor, poor, 4"9 boy.  
GG: stop making fun of his height, you weenie!  
GG: im taller than you and i dont belittle you all the damn time!  
GG: anyway  
GG: im never playing truth or dare; vodka with him again  
GG: but thats not what were doing this week  
TT: Oh?  
TT: What's planned for this week, if I may ask.  
GG: were playing doctor  
TT: I call dibs on doctor!   
GG: nope! too late! johns the doctor and im the nurse >;P  
TT: It sounds like a bad porno already.  
GG: fuck you  
GG: anyway  
GG: were going to play it at johns house  
GG: are you open today?  
TT: Hmm. Let me check.  
TT: Actually, no.  
TT: I apologize. I have to walk my mother to her AA meeting, and stay there for their boring shit.  
TT: They have a very nice snack bar.  
TT: I'm open tomorrow, though.  
GG: alright great! come by at 11 am  
GG: mr. egbert will be at work  
TT: Yep. My guess was correct.  
TT: It, indeed, will be a very horrendous porno.  
TT: The kind people would have terrible nocturnal emissions about.   
GG: what  
TT: Look it up.  
GG: ew! rose gross!  
GG: leave wet dreams out of this!  
TT: So you can expect me tomorrow morning at eleven?  
GG: right on the dot!  
TT: Alright, now if you excuse me, Mother is done prepping up for the meeting.  
TT: Goodbye.  
GG: bye!!!  
\-- tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering gardenGnostic [GG] \--

\- - -

\-- gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering ghostyTrickster [GT] \--  
GG: make sure your boyfriend is open tomorrow  
GT: lies and slander, jade.   
GG: bullshit  
GT: not gay.  
GG: whatever  
GG: just make sure hes open tomorrow morning at 11  
\-- gardenGnostic [GG] ceased pestering ghostyTrickster [GT] \--

\- - -

\-- ghostyTrickster [GT] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] \--  
GT: *passes u a noet.*  
TG: omg dued we cnat!  
TG: wer e in claSS  
TG: waHT IF the teecher cATCHES ??  
TG: shell maek me read it out laoud  
GT: daev stop being a big babby.  
GT: aND READ TEh damn noet.  
GT: *hint: it says "come over to my house tomorrow morning at 11. ;)"*  
TG: oh geez dude  
TG: if youre not careful  
TG: someone might mistake your behavior for something a bit ...  
TG: dare i say ..  
TG: scandalous  
TG: especially that winky face at the end  
TG: my oh my why i do believe youre trying to court me, egbert  
TG: giving lil ol' me the vapors here  
TG: but im so young and fragile  
TG: dont do it  
TG: my pa will come after you like a wildfire  
TG: arent the irons hot enough already without you being a gigantic tool?  
TG: are you going to reply to me anytime soon  
TG: hey egbert  
TG: egbert  
TG: john  
TG: john  
TG: JOHN  
TG: john egbert  
TG: jawn  
TG: alright fine i see how it is  
TG: ill just wait for your to respond  
TG: A/S/L?  
TG: S being preference  
TG: hahaha dude  
TG: youre missing out here  
TG: im making some killer jokes  
TG: are you sure you dont want to be part of this hilariosity  
TG: thats probably not even a word but i dont give a fuck  
TG: it is now  
TG: get the dictionaries out kiddies  
TG: were adding HILARIOSITY to it  
TG: adj; to think something is funny.  
TG: its like generosity  
TG: i think its an adjective  
TG: what do you think?  
GT: i think you need to learn to shut up sometimes.  
TG: ladies and gents my heir has arrived to rescue me from boredom  
GT: i'm serious. do you even know how to keep your mouth shut?  
GT: i was just going to see how long it took until you tired yourself out, but obviously that's not gonna happen.  
GT: jesus fucking dick, you talk A LOT.  
GT: especially about useless shit.  
TG: ouch  
TG: love you too babe  
GT: oh, and that's another thing.  
GT: we need to lay off the fake-flirting.  
GT: jade is now under the impression we're dating.  
TG: dude she was probably fucking around with you  
TG: the girls know how deep our bromance runs  
GT: i don't give a shit. we're stopping.  
TG: its not like theyll know if we do it in a chat  
GT: its become a habit, dave. and habits are hard to break.  
GT: just make sure you get here at 11 am tomorrow, alright?  
TG: sure thing  
GT: and and before i go-  
GT: hilariosity would be a noun.  
\-- ghostyTrickster [GT] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] \--  
TG: oh  
TG: that makes sense then  
TG: i guess  
TG: since generosity is a noun too  
TG: i dont know i just googled that up  
TG: google says its a noun  
TG: so it obviously is  
TG: google is always right  
TG: . . .  
TG: i dont know why the fuck im still typing here  
TG: obviously you wont get any of these messages  
TG: i do this all the damn time too  
TG: i could probably confess anything here and you wouldnt get it  
TG: a bunch of secrets  
TG: maybe i could rant or vent  
TG: rap  
TG: i could tell you the i used to talk to myself a lot and have some imaginary friends  
TG: hell maybe ill confess something ive been meaning to tell you  
TG: . . .  
TG: jk i have nothing to say

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me explain Rose's mom's situation in this a bit. 
> 
> When Rose was 11, She and Dave were at the YMCA and her mom went to go pick her up. Her mom, of course, was drunk and a concerned person dialed the police for the sake of Rose's well being. 
> 
> A few blocks before she was home, the police pulled their car over and started doing that drunk-test to her mom. About an hour later, Dave's Bro, driving Dave home, spotted them and saw a very worried Rose in the car and took her to his house until the entire situation blew over. Dave wouldn't shut up about wanting to know what happened. 
> 
> Weeks later, (Rose's mom's license was taken away.) while Rose was in school, Bro and Mom were in court together. Bro was there for moral support. Their lawyer was able to get the judge to drop the child endangerment charges, but that was as good as he could get from the judge. Rose's mom still had to pay for the drunk driving fine and go to AA meetings for three years, and was put on house arrest. Her license suspended for five years. 
> 
> Rose's mom likes have Rose walk with her to the AA meeting because she wants to make sure Rose never makes bad decisions like she did.


End file.
